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Galactus: The Big Lie
Bar Harbor
alexx_kay
So I recently read yet another Galactus story (Beta Ray Bill: Godhunter, by Kieron Gillen). I’m coming to the conclusion that Galactus stories are like Joker stories: they were cool once, but it’s almost impossible to do any good *new* stories with them due to the corporate culture of American super-heroes. They can never be permanently defeated, because of their value as corporate trademarks.

In-story, there are lots of reasons given why Galactus shouldn’t be killed. He is a Cosmic Force of Nature. He Has a Destiny. His death would cause an explosion wiping out huge numbers of inhabited worlds. The justification seems to change pretty often. But it’s just as frequently established that Galactus *could* be killed, if you hit him with a big enough stick.

In my personal head-canon, Galactus has the power of Cosmic Hypnosis. He is able to convince people (and by “people” I include Personifications of Cosmic Forces) that there is *some* reason why they really shouldn’t kill him. Or even, in the case of his Heralds, that they should actively *serve* him. We don’t see him use this power on ordinary mortals because, frankly, he couldn’t be bothered. He only uses it on beings who pose a credible threat to him (or ones he wants to use as Heralds).

His story about originally having been an ordinary mortal may have some elements of truth to it – but that story also seems to change every time he tells it. I’m convinced that he’s just the most powerful sociopath ever. He found a way to become, literally “Destroyer of Worlds”, and thought that would be a fun gig. He’s not tragic, he’s actively evil.

I also now have some vague ideas about a story set in some unspecified Marvel future where someone finally realizes this, and manages to kill the Big G. I’m thinking maybe the daughter of Reed Richards and Loki. (Loki would totally shapeshift into Sue Storm for a good joke.)

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Marvel could tell your story by making it into the backstory of a time traveler who comes back from a future where Sleipnir Richards kills Galactus and something terrible does result, so they have to make it didn't happen. It could still be the case that Galactus was lying about the reasons not to kill him, if the disaster that struck was one that surprised him.

Yeah, but then we're back to my fundamental problem, which is that Galactus can never die due to trademark law, resulting in stupid justifications for his life.

Iiiinteresting.

Though I'm having trouble imagining Marvel Loki staying in one shape long enough to birth a child--even if it's clearly happened in myth.

"Galactus: The Cosmic Mesmer" sounds like a great 50s era comic...

Loki-disguised-as-Sue: "Reed, history shows that my pregnancies tend to be pretty life-threatening. Build me a uterine replicator, please?"

In support of your thesis

So why does he have heralds, anyway? IIRC (from one reference 20-30 years ago), it's to prepare his victims for their deaths. But what are they going to do? I can't see any world having enough spaceships to evacuate everybody; the result has got to be worldwide panic and fighting over who gets to leave (assuming they have any ships good enough to take them somewhere they can survive). Just the sort of thing to entertain the biggest sociopath ever.

Re: In support of your thesis

I think he has them so that people who feel like fighting him (usually) end up exhausting their forces against the herald, so Galactus doesn't have to bother dealing with them himself.

One other stated reason is to find good worlds for him to feed on. Again, clearly something he *could* do himself if he wanted to bother.

"I can't see any world having enough spaceships to evacuate everybody;"

Actually, exactly that happens in the story I just read. It wasn't that race's homeworld, though, and I gather the population was relatively small. Of course, they evacuate to their homeworld, which ends up being next on Big G's menu...

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